quinta-feira, 2 de fevereiro de 2017

To the things we gain, and the things we lose

The view from my bedroom's window- São Paulo

After more than three years without visiting home, consequently three years with no revelant posts here, I decided to spend some time in Brazil. For reasons of cheaper flight tickets I had to stay 44 days. My boyfriend's concern was "should you call your mother and ask with you can stay that long at her place?"
I laughed and replied "You still have no idea how Brazilian mothers work!"
With the ticket paid I told my mother the good news and, as expected, she got emotional and seemed really happy.
I was anxious, three years away would definitely cause me some strangeness, and my expectations were not deceived, São Paulo is too noisy, too chaotic, too busy, wonderful!
My first two weeks were devided between getting used to the weather, to the noise - cars passing the day and night, plus my mother lives close to a Samba school and in December/January they are practicing a lot - and getting used to speaking Portuguese all the time.
Living in Germany with poor German makes you ignore outside noises, I hear people speaking Turkish, Chinese and German everyday and since I don't understand, I don't care so much and I end up living in my own little world, but in Brazil it is different: Chinese people, they speak Portuguese, Syrian descendents? They also do. So I could understand everybody and that bothered my thoughts a bit.
After the first impression passed, everything was cool, beautiful and exciting! For New Years I met some friends and we celebrate in a very charming part of the city. The following week was beach time! And I visited some places at the coast of São Paulo, gorgeous water and awesome view.

How could I have left such place, where my family is, and my dearest friends? Like reading my thoughts my mother answered.
"You are on vacations, don't forget. People are now making a huge effort to see you, and maybe if you were living here, you would stay months or maybe years without seeing them!"

And that makes sense, some people I invited to go to my mother's house for a clothing swap I organized never came and never said the reason they didn't come.
Still I started thinking about all the new emotions I experimented, like the loneliness of moving to a new country but also the feeling that I am capable to do things alone, the confidence that you will find help on the way, that you will meet new people and live new adventures.
Going or staying, it doesn't matter, we always lose something and gain others, but the time I stayed "home" showed me that I have to be myself again, do more things that I used to like three years ago.
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